By Jerry Thomas
“We’ll meet at the grill on Hennepin Avenue at six,” I reminded Mark. “I’ll bring Debbie in my car and you bring Freddie, okay? See you soon, love.”
I hung up the phone and had second thoughts about whether I was doing the right thing. Matchmaking was not something I usually got involved in. I felt uncomfortable in my new role trying to help a lovelorn girl meet a nice boy and live happily ever after. It all started with my feeling sorry for my co-worker Debbie.
Debbie and I worked together as clinical lab technicians at the University of Minnesota Hospital on Riverside Avenue, just across the river from the main complex in St. Paul. We had been colleagues for almost a year, ever since Debbie came on board fresh out of college.
Debbie was a friendly but somewhat shy girl. She had beautiful blond hair, a fair, creamy complexion, and a curvaceous body that men would have found extremely sexy under other circumstances. I say under other circumstances because Debbie’s only flaw, if you could call it that, was the amount of weight she was carrying on her 5 foot 7 inch frame. To put it bluntly, Debbie was fat.
It would be impossible for me to say how much she actually weighed, because even among us thinner girls, our weight is a secret we wouldn’t reveal even if you had threatened to pull out our fingernails. Nevertheless, it was obvious that Debbie had long ago advanced to the higher grades in the school of obesity.
In her white lab uniform Debbie looked even bigger. Her slacks were stretched tight across her double-wide butt, and her inner thighs rubbed against each other whenever she walked, causing her to wobble slightly. The only saving feature of the slacks was that they covered up her thick calves, the dimensions of which I could only imagine.
Debbie had enormous breasts that swayed and bounced as she waddled around the lab. Topping it all off was Debbie’s cute round face, complemented by a thick layer of fat under her chin.
I felt sorry for her because essentially Debbie had a very sweet disposition and most of the other people in the lab liked having her around. She was quiet and polite and never participated in catty gossip with some of the other women in our section. Because of her lack of aggressiveness she was sometimes the target of cruel jokes and snide remarks told behind her back. If she was aware of what was being said about her, she didn’t give any indication.
I could tell that Debbie was suffering under the burden of her blubber and sometimes she would confide in me that she really wished she could find a nice guy who would go out with her on weekends and show a little romantic interest. I tried to cheer her up by telling her that she just needed to wait for the right one, but in truth I believed that her chances were close to nothing. If I were a mean person I would have told her point blank, “Forget it, Debbie, find a hobby because you’re never going to find a man.”
I myself had no problems in that department. Mark and I had been going together for about two years. Mark was tall and well-built with a confident, dynamic personality and a deep manly voice. I had a slender, athletic figure and was proud of the fact that my body didn’t contain even an ounce of excess fat. Standing next to Mark, I always thought we were the very image of the perfect, healthy, all-American couple.
The only aspect of our relationship that could use improvement had to do with our time together in the bedroom. We made love on a regular basis, but it always seemed somewhat conventional, lackluster, like we were just going through the motions. It was usually a fairly quick affair and as soon as it was over, Mark would turn on his side and fall asleep. I would lie there awake feeling lonely and unsatisfied.
One morning at breakfast I asked Mark if maybe there was something wrong between us.
“No, Carla, not at all,” he replied. “I’ve been working really hard to get my promotion and with all the stress and tension, well, you know, I just get kind of worn out sometimes.”
It seemed like a plausible explanation, but even so, I still couldn’t get rid of my nagging doubts about our relationship together.
* * *
Mark worked as a broker for one of the big financial services firms downtown. One day he came home from work and told me his company had recently hired a number of recent university graduates.
“There’s this one guy, Freddie,” he explained. “They hired him as an analyst. Funniest guy I ever met. He cracks jokes like you wouldn’t believe. Has the whole office rolling on the floor.”
“Uh huh, interesting,” I said, trying not to show that I couldn’t care less.
“Nice guy,” Mark continued. “Grew up on a farm near New Ulm somewhere. It’s just too bad about the way he looks.”
“What about the way he looks?” I was starting to become mildly interested.
“Well, you see, his face isn’t that bad looking, but boy, is he ever fat!”
“That’s too bad, especially for a young guy like that.”
“Yeah,” Mark went on, “I think he’d really like to find a nice girlfriend. He’s probably lonely all by himself here in the big bad city. But who would go out with him?”
I don’t usually go out of my way to help another person, but I suddenly thought of poor Debbie and her hopeless quest for a romantic partner.
“Mark, there’s this girl I work with. She’s really fat too. Such a pretty face, but what a chunk. They’d be perfect together.” I was suddenly excited about the possibility of getting Debbie hooked up with Freddie.
“Well, Yenta,” Mark said laughing, “go for it. You talk to Debbie and I’ll talk to Freddie. Maybe all four of us could go out together and then we could introduce them.”
“But don’t tell him that Debbie is fat. We wouldn’t want to scare him away.”
“Mum’s the word. And don’t tell Debbie either. It’ll be a big surprise for both of them.”
* * *
The very next day I sat down with Debbie during our coffee break. I had a huge mischievous grin on my face and Debbie looked at me like I had suddenly gone crazy.
“What?” she asked giggling. “What are you up to?”
“Debbie,” I explained, “there’s this guy that Mark works with at his company downtown. He’s just out of school like you and he would like to find a nice friend here in the city.”
“Is he ugly and desperate?” Debbie asked suspiciously.
“No, not at all. Mark said he’s a really nice, funny guy. Everybody in the office likes him.” Technically speaking, I was telling the truth, though leaving out a number of important details.
“I don’t know,” Debbie said hesitantly, “when he sees me, he might run away.”
“Debbie, I guarantee it, he won’t run away.” That was the truth too, although I didn’t tell her that he was probably too fat to run. “What do you have to lose?”
“Well, a lot, actually,” Debbie said, looking down at herself. I was glad that at least she still had her sense of humor.
“Alright then,” she agreed finally. “I’ll do it, but only if we all go together. At least that way you and Mark can drive me home if he walks out the door.”
“Sounds great, Debbie. Don’t worry, it’ll be fine. I’ll talk to Mark and then we’ll make the arrangements.”
* * *
I can’t explain why, but the following Thursday I was strangely excited about our planned double date. Maybe I was curious about what would happen when Debbie met Freddie for the first time. Would it be love at first sight? Would they be shy and need encouraging? The possibilities were endlessly fascinating.
Our shift was over at five so we had just enough time to change into street clothes and fight the rush hour traffic to arrive downtown by six. Debbie had her clothes in a big plastic shopping bag and we went into the ladies’ room together to get ready. I dressed quickly, freshened my make-up, and waited outside for Debbie to finish.
It seemed like it took her forever. I looked impatiently at my watch, not wanting to make Mark and Freddie wait for us. What on earth is she doing in there? Does it take a fat girl longer to get dressed than a skinny one, I thought maliciously.
Finally, the restroom door opened and Debbie appeared. I took one look at her and my mouth dropped open. Debbie looked like the oversized version of a well-known Country & Western singer. She wore make-up that was a tad too thick and luscious bright red lipstick that gleamed on her full lips. Matching the color of the lipstick was a brilliant red V-neck sweater, cut low to reveal her deep cleavage and breasts that exploded up and out from under the soft material of the sweater. She wore a short black skirt that hugged her body and outlined the curves of her round ass and massive thighs. I noticed that her legs, even though they were fat, were smooth and actually quite shapely.
“Debbie,” I stuttered, “you look, wow, I’ve never seen you dressed like this.”
“Of course not,” Debbie replied, smiling seductively, “it’s not exactly lab attire, is it? But if I’m going to go for it, I might as well go all the way!”
I hardly said a word as I drove both of us downtown. I was still in total shock at the sudden transformation of shy, quiet Debbie into a super-size seductress.
We parked and walked a short distance to the grill, one of the city’s more popular hang outs. I spotted Mark sitting next to a very large young man at the far end of the room, two mugs of beer already in front of them.
Debbie also looked, but she had never met Mark, so she had no idea which table we were headed towards in the crowded room.
Debbie walked carefully to keep from bumping into the closely spaced tables and finally we were standing in front of Mark and Freddie. They both stood up to greet us.
Debbie’s face lit up like a Christmas tree and it was obvious how completely thrilled she was. She extended her hand toward Mark and said, “Oh Freddie, I’m so pleased, how nice to meet you!”
“No, sorry,” Mark coughed, suppressing a laugh, “I’m Mark, this is Freddie.” He turned toward Freddie and placed a hand on Freddie’s shoulder.
“Hi, Debbie,” he said smiling, “I’m big Fred, nice to see you.”
Debbie opened her eyes wide, took one look, and her face fell like a runaway elevator.
“You’re Freddie?” she asked incredulously. “I, well, I never imagined, yes Freddie, nice to meet you too.”
We all sat down and Mark asked what we’d like to drink. I asked for a glass of wine, but Debbie seemed not to have heard. She sat there stunned looking at Freddie, then Mark, then at Freddie again.
I motioned toward Mark and whispered “wine” and he understood that he was to bring Debbie a glass of wine also.
“Come on Freddie,” he said, “you can go with me and run interference through this crowd.”
Once they had gone, Debbie gradually recovered from her state of shock.
She turned toward me and her face was flushed and angry. “How could you do this to me?” she hissed. “I’ve never been so humiliated in my life.”
“What is it, Debbie?” I asked, “Why are you so angry?”
“Do you think the only person a fat girl can go out with is a fat boy? So people can stare and say ‘How cute, look at the two fatties together.’”
I suddenly realized that I had made a terrible mistake.
“I’m sorry, Debbie, I had no idea you would feel that way. Freddie seems like a nice enough guy, isn’t he?”
“That’s not the point!” she fumed and fell silent.
We sat together without saying a word and the tension was so heavy, you could have cut the air with a knife.
After what seemed like an eternity, Mark and Freddie finally came back with our drinks.
Debbie started sipping her wine and the effect of the alcohol appeared to calm her down a bit.
Eventually a waitress showed up and we ordered our meal.
I still felt very embarrassed about the whole situation, but Mark and Freddie chatted cheerfully, completely unaware of the scene that had transpired between us. Freddie started telling some of his famous jokes and that helped to lighten the atmosphere. In spite of everything, I even started to laugh – Mark was right, he really was a very funny guy.
Our dinners arrived and we devoted ourselves to digging in to our food. Freddie, as I might have guessed, had the hearty appetite of a hard-working Minnesota farm boy. Debbie merely picked away at her fries, though I knew she had to be hungry by now.
I took a deep breath and tried to relax.
I started in on my chef’s salad, but when I glanced up every so often, I noticed something odd going on between Mark and Debbie. Mark picked up his sandwich, but his eyes and attention were definitely elsewhere. His gaze didn’t move from Debbie’s large bosom and he looked like a hungry wolf. He was staring at Debbie’s humongous breasts and it seemed like he would enjoy nothing better than to dive in and drown in the soft folds of her cleavage.
Even more amazing was the fact that Debbie appeared to be enjoying the hypnotic hold she had on Mark’s attention. She pushed her boobs out even further and wiggled from side to side so that they jiggled. Mark was clearly enjoying the show.
“So, Mark,” I cleared my throat, “how were things at the office today?”
It took Mark a moment to return to reality. “What? Oh, right, the office, sure, it was okay, just another day.”
Mark and Debbie smiled mysteriously at each other, as if they were sharing their own little secret.
Now it was my turn to be angry and upset. I pouted like a spoiled little girl and tried not to cry.
Instead I turned my attention to Freddie. Mark was right, he really was a big guy. He was tall and broad shouldered and I estimated his weight to be at least 350 pounds. “So tell me, Freddie, did you play football in college?”
“Not in college,” he replied, “but I was a linebacker in high school. They used to call me the ‘frigerator,” he laughed.
I could certainly understand why. Freddie had blond hair like Debbie’s and a cute face with soft rosy cheeks. I could imagine this big farm boy’s body packed into a pair of bib overalls. I suddenly wondered what it would be like to take that big round face in both hands and kiss those sweet lips of his.
We were just finishing up our meal when I noticed Debbie nod silently in Mark’s direction. “Excuse me for a moment, I have to use the ladies’ room.” She took her purse, got up from the table, and left.
A few minutes later, Mark drained the last of the beer in his mug, and likewise excused himself to use the restroom.
I was left alone with Freddie and we continued our conversation. He told me some more of his jokes and I laughed harder than I had for a long, long time.
The time passed – ten minutes, fifteen minutes, and still neither Mark nor Debbie had returned. I looked around the restaurant, but I didn’t see them anywhere.
“Do you think they fell in?” I joked.
Freddie just smiled and shrugged.
I looked at my watch. They had now been away for almost 30 minutes and all of a sudden it hit me.
“You know what, Freddie? I think we’ve been dumped.”
“Sure looks like it,” he answered.
I hesitated for a second, not knowing what to say or do next.
“Do you like going to the movies?” Freddie asked, sounding like a bashful high school boy asking a girl out for a first date.
“Yes, Freddie. As a matter of fact, I absolutely love going to the movies!” I couldn’t even remember the last time Mark had asked me out to the movies.
“If we leave right now, we could still make the 8 o’clock show,” he said.
I stood up, put my hand around Freddie’s big strong arm, and we walked out the door together.
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